18 Questions I had to answer!

A couple of weeks ago, the all reigning queen of mood swings and literature - Arpz - tagged me, telling me to write something about each letter of my middle name.

Now generally when babes tell me to write something, I write it. But since my middle name is just too long and embarrassing, I excused myself, citing writer’s block and creative dysfunction.

Now Aiswarya, who’s fairly new to blogging tagged me with 18 questions I have to answer. The babe rule was applied again and I bowed my head in reverence and pattered away on the key board.

I know people generally skim over the answers (for these kind of tags) and don’t bother to read them. I would also expect to see some extremely generic comments to this later on, such as:

Ha ha! :)
&
Good post! Well written!
&
You suck soooooo bad!

But I would love people to actually read the answers, which I so painstakingly came up with, while telling the rest of the team at office that I was working on some new initiative proposals!

Here goes junta:

1) Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it

Bloody hell, I just checked my whole body, potentially mooning my team mate who was staring at me all the while! I don’t have any scars! What kind of sissy-ass guy am I?

I’m going out right now and looking a well built Tamil dude in the face and saying *Rajini’s got no acting talent. Once I get out of the emergency room, I’ll let you guys know how I’m doing on those scars!

*Saying this is the same as telling a Mallu that Mohanlal is horizontally challenged.

2) What does your phone look like?

My phone looks like a Moto Razr whose external display is a bit cracked. I don’t know if Networkitis, the Phone God on Mount Olympus decided that my phone has to reflect the personality of its owner, but I was totally depressed when I first saw the crack.

Then I saw Raghav’s phone, which looked like it had been through the running of the Bulls without even a safety helmet or an abdomen guard. Poor thing, it looked so bad, it made me feel good!

3) What is on the walls of your bedroom?

Sadly, nothing but paint. We’ve got a wicked pad and we’re shelling out a lot of Indian rupiya for it, but the cheap skates we are, we haven’t bothered to put up anything.

Kondu and I have made an investment of Rs.300 into buying a painting of a vase of flowers. We intend to put it up in our bedroom.

The painting is a living….err….inanimate monument to our laziness. We haven’t gathered the strength to get a couple of nails, a hammer and put the freaking thing up!

It’s on our to–do list, along with climbing K2, achieving world peace and stealing Julia Roberts’ bra.

4) What is your current desktop picture?

It’s a picture of a very high mountain in a bluish haze. Don’t imagine up any deep, philosophical interpretations of the picture.

There was a corporate audit in office and I had to get rid of my very sensible picture of Cameron Diaz explaining correct posture while one lies upside down on a couch and throws one's head back.

5) Do you believe in gay marriage?

I’m sure Kondu is very interested in this question, as he’s often the target/victim of my affectionate assaults. No, Kondu babe, I swing only one way and that’s the side Julia and Cameron are on.

Gay marriage, yeah….. I would never say I’m against it. I was never known to be conservative and tight-lipped. For that matter, I’ve never been known to be sober or sensible either, but lets save that discussion for another day.

6) What do you want more than anything right now?

Bah! Humbug! What a sadistic question! It asks you to think of what you most want, allows you to think about it for a second with a happy grin on your face. The next second, reality bitch-slaps you and tells you that you CAN’T have it! Bah! Humbug!

But just for the sake of the bitch slap, I’ve always had this fascination with the Caribbean. So I’d like to be in the Bahamas, sipping a Pina Colada, explaining to Julia baby why the universe exists and what we can do to make it a more productive place.

SLAP! Owww…..

7) What time were you born?

Ooooh…. I know this one. I know this one. It was a long long time ago and it was Karthika vilaku day. That’s a festival in South India where everyone lights oil lamps to celebrate Lord Muruga [who is also known as Karthikeyan-hence my name].

I was born at 6.30 in the evening, right when they were lighting the lamps.

Afterwards, a couple of buses and Premier Padmini car were also lit in protest.

8) Are your parents still together?

Oh yes, oh yes. They are the role model Indian wife and husband. Throw the utensils at each other only when no one’s looking….[my dad actually says that, the old kidder him]

9) Last person who made you cry?

Cry? Men don’t cry! We men. We make fire and weapons. We blow up stuff. We no cry! Oook oook.

Ok, ok…. There was no person really; but it was the last scene in the Lord of the Rings trilogy where the entire kingdom bows to Frodo and other hobbits and King Arogon says “My friends, you bow to no one!”

What a freakin’ nerd I am!!! Bloody hell!

10) What is your favorite perfume / cologne?

Perfume, cologne? What are these words? I don’t understand what you’re asking me….

Just kidding…. I don’t want to subject my colleagues to biochemical weaponry that easily. I’ll have to say its Ferrari Red cologne.

11) What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?

Step 1: Find person in opposite sex
Step 2: Convince person you have found that you are homo sapien, in spite of what she has assumed
Step 3: Once this is achieved, and you gain confidence, start an image make over into a cool dude stud who can actually have preferences in hair colour.

The answer is red hair for some reason. Red heads gimme the heebie jeebies! Julia baby! Are you listening?!!

12) What are you listening to?

I’m not listening to anything right now. However, yesterday evening, when I went to pick up a parcel from Hyderabadi Chicken Biriyani House, I was listening to ‘I Can’t Get No Satisfaction’ by the Rolling Stones.

I had to stop abruptly when a gentleman in a pink shirt gave me a lecherous smile and started mouthing something about satisfaction. Gulp!

Biriyani was promptly abandoned and bike was promptly shifted into first gear. High ho silver, Awayyyyyyyy!!!

13) Do you get scared of the dark?

No, not really. I can't thing of any further witty reparte' s to this question!

14) Do you like painkillers?

Another weird question. It’s asking me to make a public declaration of substance abuse. What all substances I abuse, how I abuse them and when I abuse them, and if I follow a schedule of abusing is my business!!!

For God’s sake, my relatives read this space!! By the way, Kuttu chechy, I love you!

15) Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Ask someone out? Well, the concept is frankly quite foreign in South India. Even in the metros. Girls tend to treat guys as perverted scum who have just crawled out of the nearest sewer and try to dissuade them from romantic advances by using pepper spray, handbags, high heels and well aimed kicks at special places.

But if I was any where else in the world, I would roam around asking every girl I saw out, going on to prove popular opinion, that I am indeed perverted scum who has just crawled out of the nearest sewer.

16) If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

A food question! Right down my alley. A big juicy steak, with potatoes and gravy. Or maybe a lobster dinner. Or a black forest cake topped with chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream….yumm….okay let me stop before I devour the cords of my computer.

17) Who was the last person who made you mad?

People don’t make me mad, I make people mad. Akin to Gandhi with a squirt gun.

18) Who was the last person who made you smile?

Oh this is a really good blog that Chungu passed on to me that gave me a lot of laughs. Check it out if you have time. You don’t have to read it, its mostly funny pictures and videos- BitsnPieces

Passing the tag on:
                
I think this particular tag has been around more than Rakhi Sawant (low blow, I know.Sorry Rakhi), so I choose to be rebel and not pass it on!

In case you want to do it, let me know and I'll add an edit to this post, directing junta to your post....